fire Women

A Gender-Normative Halloween Costume Guide

Derwin Myers bakes some red hot traditional gender roles for you to much on this October 31st

It’s that time of year again. If it’s your first year in college you’re in for a treat, whilst if you are like me and have seen a few Halloweens come and go during your time at UCC, then you know it’s about to get crazy. In the build-up for this hormone fuelled, scantily- clad event I have compiled a list both for the ladies and men on what to wear if you want to impress (I take no responsibility for what happens after the impressing!).

Women:

  • Cat woman: Girl in a full leather bodysuit with a whip. Only the brave will attempt this but there’s a reason it’s a Halloween classic… you know yourself!
  • Oktoberfest Girl: ’Tis the season, eh? No red-blooded male can resist a lovely lady with jugs of beer. No man.
  • Wonder Woman: A superhero outfit that would NEVER work in real life. A crime fighting Amazon with a gold breastplate and hot pants? That would be a yes.
  • Marilyn Monroe: Classy look for the ladies. Just find a street grid with regular trains passing below to recreate the desired effect.
  • Kim Kardashian: Just stuff a pillow down your dress so your ass looks ridiculously massive. Job done.
  • Female Ghostbuster: Just Google it. You’ll see what I’m talking about.
  • GAA: Take your brother’s jersey, rip in half and you’re set. Everyone loves a winner and every lad will tell you a girl in her club kit is nice.
  • Hooters Girl: Requirements: swag, beer and not a lot else. Leaving Cert optional.
  • Ninja: Just think about it…

fire Women

Quick Fire round Do’s: 

Sexy (insert anything): I’m talking sailors, bumblebees, nuns, French maids, firewomen, Pokémon, watermelons, sharks, janitors, eskimoes, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. There is a sexy costume version of everything out there. Just Google the above examples – and then don’t buy them. Also: going as a ‘Girl Geek’ is so Katy Perry circa 2011. YAWN.

Men: 

  • Madmen character: If you’ve been paying any attention to what the opposite sex have been saying since Madmen came on air, then you know a suit, cigar and glass of scotch is a sure-fire winner. Blues Brothers/James Bond is also an option in this category. Oh, and heap on the misogyny. Chicks love misogyny.
  • Christian Grey: The entire female population are weak at the knees for him, even though he’s a fictional character. Shove a sticker with ‘Mr Grey’ on your shirt and you’ll be laughing. Just be cautious of moms and nans that have read 50 shades. You are welcome. By the way, you will need a whip to go with that suit.
  • Hugh Hefner: You got the swag, the money and you’re in a bath robe. Plus you’re not 150 years old. Bunnies apply here. Also girls with daddy issues.
  • Ryan Gosling, Drive: All you need is shades, pair of gloves, a scorpion on the back of your jacket, and a boot for all the ladies. Stay in character by barely speaking and not telling anyone your name.
  • Danny Zuko, Grease: A badass with roll-up jeans, shades and a leather jacket? Worst case scenario you look like The Fonz, and he didn’t do too bad with the ladies. Summer/Autumn lovin’.
  • Stripper Pole: You will need a roll of cling film, some Christmas lights and a battery source. You will not be meeting candidates for your future wife.

Douche costume

Quick Fire round Don’t: 

Douche costume: If you go as anyone from Jersey/Geordie Shore, a giant penis, or if you literally dress as a douche (it’s been done)….just, don’t.