Final Year Arts Student goes to Library for First Time
Kate Westfall, a final year arts student majoring in English from Bishopstown was said to be “shocked with the amount of books” inside the Boole Library. Kate admitted that she never really needed to go to and had she known what it was like in the UCC library before now she would have fared better in her previous summer exams.
Describing the last 2 years Kate stated that they were spent in her pyjamas watching Jeremy Kyle on TV3, drinking copious amounts of tea followed by a trip to Opera Lane for a “sconce”. Kate had always wondered what that big building was and just assumed it was “some boring daytime nightclub”.
Now however Kate feels more confident of becoming a teacher and passing on her values of hard work.
Commerce Student Blows Housemate’s rent on Cheltenham
John McGuiney, a Commerce student from Waterford lost over €2,000 of his and his housemates rent money on the first race of the 2014 Cheltenham horse racing festival. Sources indicate that the landlord of the college road house for reasons unknown had not collected rent for a few weeks and tensions were brewing amongst the housemates.
McGuiney, a hopeless gambler with online accounts with several major betting companies, defended his actions by claiming he had received a good tip. The tip allegedly came from a beer bellied balding man in the bookies who claimed that the 26/1 shot Sgt Reckless was a “certainty” in the Supreme Novices Hurdle. McGuiney has stated that even though the horse barely finished, it would have been “unreal” if it came off and has reportedly told his housemates that “it’ll be grand”.
“I Can Easily do 2000 words in the Morning” Student Regretfully Said Last Night
“It was only supposed to be one quick drink but it escalated so fast”. At one point or another, every student has uttered these words and Carol Brennan was no different last Tuesday. The 19 year old Geography student was dragged to the New Bar by her friends despite her protestations that she had an assignment to finish. Carol admitted that one minute she was having bottle of Bulmers over a chicken curry and the next she was all dolled up and downing shots of tequila to the deafening sounds of electro-pop in some random night club.
“It was at 03:30 a.m. that it dawned on me that my assignment was due in less than 10 hours and I had 2,000 words to do. Unfortunately, my head was hovering over the toilet bowl while I was dry heaving”. Carol managed to get an extension on the assignment by killing off her already dead grandmother.
Student Surprised he Got in Last Night Considering the State of Him
At a little past 4 p.m. last Thursday, Engineering student Alan Moore announced his intention on Facebook to engage binge drinking in celebration of just about passing his an important exam. The 22 year old from Clonmel started by drinking cans of Tennants mixed with whiskey and playing Grand Theft Auto to the sounds of house music. “I was in the mood to just get absolutely mangled” Alan later confessed.
Tragedy struck at about 9:30 p.m. that evening when it became known that his housemate s were not joining him in this “session” and accused them of being “dry as f**k”. Distraught, he stumbled out of the house to meet up with college friends in town. “Still can’t believe they let me in the nightclub, I’m sure I was horizontal walking up to the bouncer”.
The bouncer has reportedly stated that even though the Tipperary student was barely conscious his money was not something they were about to turn down.