Creeping: Tactical Scouting

Bit worried about your love life? Trevor O’Brien will help you out with his guide to courting in the digital age.

Facebook Creeping can be defined as the act of looking through and learning all about an aspiring sex collaborator’s profile, pictures and recent activity. While you may be reading this and thinking “Wow, I never do that. you only say it because you’re a liar. Everyone does it and it has been put on show due to the surge in popularity of the Who’s Yer Wan and Who’s Yer Man pages which allow you to find out who those rides are are in a nightclub’s photos. Creeping, in general though allows people to move past a person’s hotness and see what they’re really like and what they like which is the best foundation for successful relationships.

Traditionally, couples have had a very virtuous, romantic yet totally rehearsed story of how their eyes met from across the room and suddenly became madly in love. What actually happened involved a combination of loneliness and intoxication or as it’s usually known, Thursday night. However, this is not only applicable to modern times. It’s also how the vast majority of our parents got together and stumbled into making us. The cliché of two strangers meeting and falling in love after meeting in a bar is enshrined in our popular culture but it’s a totally false perception.

I subscribe to the idea that strong relationships are built on what you like rather than what you’re like. If there is no correlation between your interests in books, music, movies or TV shows then immediately you’re in weird place with your partner. Say you want to watch Mad Men and they want to watch The Big Bang Theory. I don’t know about you but that’s a dealbreaker for me.

I find that most long-term couples I speak to would be annoyed if one watched ahead in Breaking Bad than if one had cheated.  This is why I creep, to see if there is an overlap in a prospective partner’s interests. I creep tactically. You see I’m not the best at making conversation. Creeping on a person’s page and finding out what they like allows me to gain the upper hand the next time I see them. So I’m not flustered when speaking to the person and complement their skin but then accidently say that I want to wear it.

The Internet age has drowned this ideal way of meeting. Think about this, you can meet a person, add them as a friend, find out their life story, all their likes and most importantly those pictures of when they went somewhere hot with their friends. Ladies and gentleman, if there are pictures of you, swimming togs clad I can guarantee you that those pictures have been used by someone somewhere  for self-gratification. In fact if you have any pictures at all more than likely they’ve been used for that nefarious purpose. It might seem disconcerting that someone can use your profile in this way. Don’t worry though, it’s still not as bad as what Facebook does with your information.