November Horoscopes

Astronomer turned Astrologer, Mystic McDonnell is back and better than ever to let you know what November has in store based on the planets.

 

Disclaimer; these horoscopes may not be true

 

Aries: Born under the sign of the ram, this month you will follow the flock of other sheep, in what they say and do. You’ll do exactly what you see everyone else doing, on social media or otherwise. And I thought you actually had some creativity! Oh well.

 

Taurus: The Taurids meteor shower, though often underwhelming, is active through all of

November. Similarly, November will not be a memorable month for you. Carry on with whatever you’re doing, but don’t expect to achieve anything hugely significant.

 

Gemini: After a long hiatus, your constellation is returning to the evening sky. You will attempt to start up a hobby that you stopped a while ago. I wouldn’t even try, personally. What’s the point? You’ll spend way too much money, and within a month you’ll probably just give up again.

 

Cancer: Artificial intelligence becomes more humanlike all the time. This month you will meet someone through online dating. But are they really a someone, or actually a something? Until you meet them in real life, you won’t know if they are really a human or a computer program. Sorry for planting the seed of doubt, but it had to be done.

 

Leo: Born with the heart of a lion, you have a type-A personality. This will reveal itself in all its glory during this month’s quarantine when your family or roommates are stuck at home with you. Try to make this as easy as possible for them – don’t be too annoying to be around.

 

Virgo: Mercury, messenger of the gods, is in your constellation this month. You will miss a very clear message. It might be an unopened text, an important phone call, or even a wordless invitation to go on a date. Either way, the sender will silently hate you for ignoring them. Watch out!

 

Libra: As your star sign is represented by scales, you have a good sense of justice and

fairness. This month, two of your friends will have an argument. They will ask you to decide who is right and who is wrong. Unfortunately, deciding either way will make the “wrong” person annoyed with you. Get ready to lose a friend – there’s no escape!

 

Scorpio: You will get into an argument with someone online. After a lot of insults and name-calling, you will both see the pointlessness of fighting and make up… I wish. Online arguments never end nicely. But you don’t understand that, so you’ll do it anyway.

 

Sagittarius: After months of taking advice from this column, you’ll decide to study astrology and try to make your own predictions. With careful study, you will come to see that none of it makes any sense whatsoever, and that horoscope columns should be replaced with something more useful… wait! No! Forget I said that!

 

Capricorn: Your partner will ask you what you’re thinking about. Apparently, “nothing” is not an acceptable answer to this question, so you need something else. I don’t normally advocate lying, but having a fake answer, ready to go, is definitely the key to a long and healthy relationship!

 

Aquarius: With no hairdresser to go to, this month your hair will end up looking like tangled

spaghetti. Maybe you should take that as a compliment! Doing so will improve your mood, and anyway, it’s actually a better look than your pre-lockdown hair situation.

 

Pisces: The angry red Mars shines in your constellation this month, past its opposition with Earth. You may find yourself acting aggressively to people who don’t deserve it, such as elderly ladies and two-year-old children. In your case, maybe staying at home is for the best?