A contributing writer explains how UCC can facilitate your love life, in more ways than one.
For the vast majority of us, UCC is the place we have to call home for several years. While that is something to be sad about, it is not without merit as a stage for finding someone to fill the lonely void that lurks within us all. But when it comes to love, timing and location are everything. The fluorescent light of the library and the frigid underground of the Boole aren’t going to cut it. You need something punchier, something with more of an edge, something that’ll put all those dicks from the rom-coms to shame. For that reason, I have done the hard work of collecting and sampling all of the best locales on campus for you and your modern love story. Whatever form that may take.
Nano Nagle Place
A place that isn’t technically on campus but is definitely the best date spot on UCC Grounds. With lush flower gardens, a digital museum, and coffee that is drinkable, there are far worse places for romance to bloom than this elaborate monument dedicated to a dead nun. But when the date goes well, I must encourage you to keep your affair strictly PG. This is because the coffin of the aforementioned clergywoman is on public display and after a lifetime of Scooby-Doo movies, I have to assume that going anywhere past “First Base” in its presence is going to result in some form of biblical curse. That’s something I imagine most of you don’t consider first-date fodder but on the off-chance you do, then call me. Cause that’s hot.
That being said, if you are looking for somewhere more secluded to dance with the funky monkey, then might I suggest the balcony to Devere Hall. It’s central, it’s discrete and the several Student Centre employees I interviewed assured me that it’s used exclusively for storing chairs and by SC employees who want an unsanctioned vape break. They went on to confirm that as long as you and your partner’s twenty-toe tango didn’t leave marks, scrapes or stains they would be more than obliged to let Motley readers use their shag shack at the top of campus.
Did you know this exists? I sure didn’t till I started researching and boy-howdy does UCC’s very own non-denominational house of holiness offer a refreshing sense of variety. Fit with couches, blankets and radiators blasting so high that any prospective partner won’t be able to tell if your face sweat is simply caused by your perpetual unease or an impending bout of heatstroke, the chaplaincy offers a great date spot.
The Western Gateway Building
I’ll be honest. There’s no “good” place for it in the WGB. You and your partner will simply have to make do with its vapid corridors and over-lit hallways. But what you lose in privacy you will gain in Karma as public acts of love in the WGB constitute an educational service to its native community of sexless computer science students who won’t know quite what they are looking at but nonetheless will be happy for the show.
Many of you may look around you at the architecture (both literal and metaphorical) of UCC and think it has all the romantic notions of a resentful cocker-spaniel, and you would be correct. However, with a bit of creativity, wit and a steep drop in standards, I hope you see that you too can make UCC your home for modern love.