Words: Hannah Kingston
On arriving to U.C.C, I was handed a bucket list. Many of the things meant very little to me. What was a golden week? What was a black week? What in the name of God was a King Creole? I was an innocent eighteen year old who was slightly terrified at the prospect of adult life.
A month in, I knew what all of these things were. I was no longer innocent and I had just started a turbulent relationship with a tall, dark and handsome concept known as the “hot chicken roll.”
As I write this, I have under sixty days left as an undergraduate. With this horrifying realization came a strong sense of responsibility to carry out the rest of my responsibilities as a student. I was determined to make sure I had completed everything on the list.
First years, take note:
Have a Golden Week.
Translation: Go to every single lecture. Fresher’s level of difficulty: 8. Final year level of difficulty: 12. (Weeps in the foetal position. Why won’t it end?)
Have a Black Week.
Translation: Do not grace the college gates with your presence.
Level of difficulty for the average student: 0
Have a Platinum Week.
Translation: Go out every night of the week and function the next day whilst in the horrors.
Level of difficulty (applicable to the average life ruining individual): 15.75. Do not try this at home, kids.
Get a King Creole.
Translation: Chicken pitta heaven.
Level of difficulty for friend with car: 0. Level of difficulty with no means of getting to KCs: 8.5 (depending on how far you are willing to walk).
Join a society or club.
Translation: Stop watching Nothing to Declare and go make some friends, for fiddlesticks.
Level of difficulty for freshers: 0.
Level of difficulty for final years: I have five assignments due by 4 p.m. tomorrow, could you stop breathing near me? Please and thank you.
Live on awful food.
Translation: You are so poor. There is even a possibility of scurvy as you haven’t eaten a vitamin in six weeks.
Level of difficulty for freshers: 10 (you’re still used to Mammy’s dinners). Level of difficulty for final years: 2.
A hazelnut soya latte (the reason you can’t afford fruit and vegetables) and a cigarette is a perfectly balanced breakfast.
Go Day Drinking.
Translation: ruin your life in the light of day.
Level of difficulty: this is not difficult but it’s definitely stupid and detrimental to your reputation.
Do Something for Charity.
Translation: You will never have this much free time on your hands so do something nice.
Level of difficulty for freshers: 0, first year isn’t even a thing.
Level of difficulty for Final Years: I told you stop breathing on me, for the love of Starbucks.
I’m not going to translate this one in case I get in trouble but you have the general idea. There is no better time to let your hair down and find oneself.
Level of Difficulty: 0 with alcohol, around 7.25 without.
Have an existential crisis.
Translation: It’s like I blinked and I woke up looking like an adult, but I’m only a child and it’s not fair and I’m sick of Koka Noodles and what does it all mean? My course is so boring. I don’t want to do this. I’m dropping out. I won’t be able to go out as much if I drop out, though. I’m staying.
Level of difficulty for the average student: 2.75.
Get a piece of paper, find a pen, write it down and do it. Blink and you’ll miss it. I blinked and I almost missed it. Trust me.