Philosophers have throughout history provided many with ways of living, seeing the world differently and some fucking dumb ideas too. Niamh Browne and Emer Walsh, Motley’s features and opinion team lets you know what your favourite philosopher says about you.


Albert Camus:

Why hello there, notions R us. Yes, having a favourite philosopher is pretentious at the best of times, but Camus? Really? You need to take a long hard look at how many turtlenecks you own. 



A classic. Quite literally. You probably don’t like new things and think that no theories need to actually be tested ever. You probably aren’t a huge fan of women as a concept either. Born in the wrong generation it has to be said.


Simone De Beauvoir: 

You went to college and realised some stuff. I feel you. I see you. I am you. Simone De Beauvoir gets you. You have dyed your hair a funny colour. It’s okay.



Stay the fuck away from me man. Yes. I know you’re a man. 


Karl Marx:

You are correct but you’re also completely insufferable to be around. No one says: ‘Wow I love him! He’s such a blast! He’s right all the time!’. I am sorry to be the one to break this to you. 


Hannah Arendt:

You’re correct about things and actually fun to be around. Please be my friend. 


Bertrand Russell:

You are good at maths and words. It’s simply too powerful a combo. You could be a great success but you’ll probably just spend the rest of your life wearing tweed. 

Adam Smith:

Please for the love of god stop. No one needs to hear the words: ‘Just playing Devil’s advocate here…’ come out of your mouth ever again. Ever.


Immanuel Kant:

You should consider having sex sometime. You might like it.